Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying “you accidentally left your headlights on… I took care of that for you”. FML
![sarazucker:
no, this is not a joke, weezer has announced that they are releasing their new album “raditude” with a special version of the snuggie. there is even an accompanying infomercial featuring the band members sporting the backwards bathrobe. the pack is priced to move at $29.99. i will admit [now, with reluctance] that weezer was a favorite band. i can’t help but be horrified by this venture.](http://12.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kswxbt5eIX1qz7euco1_500.jpg)
no, this is not a joke, weezer has announced that they are releasing their new album “raditude” with a special version of the snuggie. there is even an accompanying infomercial featuring the band members sporting the backwards bathrobe. the pack is priced to move at $29.99. i will admit [now, with reluctance] that weezer was a favorite band. i can’t help but be horrified by this venture.
Not Tequila, which is how it’s pronounced. T’Kela. That’s.. how it’s spelled.
Yep. That really is the name she was born with.
Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML
Heavy D - Now That We’ve Found Love
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH ITTTTTT???
| — | Mc Fatty McButterpants |
Fact of the day: Candy corn dissolves in vodka.
I thought Vodka dissolved EVERYTHING…
I’ve done this w/ Stolichnaya Vodka and Gummy Bears… It was amazing…
![allthingsalishan:
1) this makes me real glad I’ve had the same sexual partner for hella years.
2) I would catch a murder case if I found out I had crabs via facebook. Somebody would get stabbed in the throat
3) skeezin never pays.
thedailywhat:[via.]
”skeezin never pays.” is now my favorite quote… and a creed I shall live by for the rest of my life…](http://11.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ks6m400vE01qzpwi0o1_500.jpg)
1) this makes me real glad I’ve had the same sexual partner for hella years.
2) I would catch a murder case if I found out I had crabs via facebook. Somebody would get stabbed in the throat
3) skeezin never pays.
thedailywhat:[via.]
”skeezin never pays.” is now my favorite quote… and a creed I shall live by for the rest of my life…
| — | jimgaffigan |




