fmylife:

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying “you accidentally left your headlights on… I took care of that for you”. FML

sarazucker:

no, this is not a joke, weezer has announced that they are releasing their new album “raditude” with a special version of the snuggie. there is even an accompanying infomercial featuring the band members sporting the backwards bathrobe. the pack is priced to move at $29.99. i will admit [now, with reluctance] that weezer was a favorite band. i can’t help but be horrified by this venture.

lamebot:

Not Tequila, which is how it’s pronounced. T’Kela. That’s.. how it’s spelled.

Yep. That really is the name she was born with.

malty: missmandyc: (via smokeyes)

fmylife:

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

iammattjordan:

christinefriar:

Heavy D - Now That We’ve Found Love

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH ITTTTTT???

justojusto: 10 insanely expensive, supremely awesome tech costumes

(via awesome-everyday)

Indeed. Happy Birthday to me! NOT.

justojusto: somuchsass:

The Candy Corn Martini

Fact of the day: Candy corn dissolves in vodka.

I thought Vodka dissolved EVERYTHING…

I’ve done this w/ Stolichnaya Vodka and Gummy Bears… It was amazing…

allthingsalishan:

1) this makes me real glad I’ve had the same sexual partner for hella years.

2) I would catch a murder case if I found out I had crabs via facebook. Somebody would get stabbed in the throat

3) skeezin never pays.

thedailywhat:[via.]

 ”skeezin never pays.” is now my favorite quote… and a creed I shall live by for the rest of my life…

soupsoup: (via alexbalk)

soupsoup: (via ashwinilakshmi)